The Art of Mental Space: How to Change Your Own Mind

We’ve all been there: trapped in a mental loop, ruminating on a thought that has us feeling small, rejected, or stuck. We may experience we are simply "observing reality," but in truth, we are often caught in the gears of two internal systems that—while well-intentioned—are ultimately worse than useless.

To find your way back to freedom, I recommend we take a look at how your mind is actually is working for you, even if it doesn’t feel that way, and then learn how to rewire it for better results.

What happens when we ruminate?

When we face a difficult situation, there are a couple of systems that can activate in our minds:

• First: This system reads new data through the lens of "unhealed trauma." The current situation doesn't need to be a carbon copy of the past to activate a similar emotional response; it just needs a similar "flavor."

  If the old wound is rejection, any minor social hiccup could make us land on that same mental block. Mind is trying to protect you from a situation that was identified as a threat, and in order to do so, it hands the reins over to the second system.

The taste of Freedom

By dismantling these limiting beliefs, you unleash your inherent strength. You aren't just "changing your mind"—you are reclaiming your reality from well-intentioned systems that were actually worse than useless. The illusory safety of recognizing ancient threats and treating them with flawed reasoning has wasted energy that is better used creating, growing, exploring opportunities, and driving your happiness.

You can get clarity, strength, and freedom by applying these techniques, and we can work to develop these tools together.

Example: “If I was rejected, it must be because I’m not good enough.”
(Ignoring the possibility that the other person was simply intimidated or having a bad day.)

Filter B: How do I know it’s true?

This is the ultimate ghost-busting trick. We often give our thoughts instant credibility, as if we’ve never thought an inaccurate thought before. When you challenge the source of the thought's credibility, you’ll often find that the only evidence for a thought is... other thoughts you’ve had. There is no external fact supporting it, and it’s easy to squash a thought that we no longer consider a fact.

2. Test the thesis

Once you have some distance to look at your own mind as someone would look at a lion during a safari, you're close enough to see it but far enough to where it can't "touch" you. Once you gather your own space, outside of the thought loop, pass your thought through these two tests:

Filter A: Is it useful?

Ask yourself: "Thinking that nobody will ever love me—does that thought actually have value?"

If the thought doesn't help you grow or move forward, it's harder to give it the importance it seemed to have a second ago. Even though we can grow from self-awareness and self-knowledge, it's valuable to be the first observer of the actually constructive feedback we can offer.

• Second: Because human beings are naturally curious, we have an instinct to find reasons for the consequences of disturbing situations. However, since we have very low visibility into other people’s minds but are so zoomed in on our own perspective, we lack the information regarding the origin of someone else's actions.

  The result? The mind searches for a reason and, assuming none in the outside world, finds it in ourselves, the receiver of the action.

How to conquer freedom from the loop?

If you are tired of being hurt by your own thoughts, you can use these steps to regain your strength.

1. Create the "Possibility Space"

The first step is to take a couple of mental steps back. By making space between yourself and the situation, you move into a possibility state. This is about allowing enough room for new thoughts to enter so you can see opportunities rather than focusing on the echoes of rumination.

You can do this by literally taking a step back or to the side. When you are feeling hijacked by a thought, drop your awareness to your feet, take one deep, slow breath, and physically "step out" of the thought. This is a tried and true example of full-body response therapy that uses the connection between mind and body to positively impact one through the other. What you can expect is to immediately feel like the thought is happening right "outside" you. And this changes everything, as it allows you to maneuver a new train of thought out of the loop!